Seton Hall Prep program builds friendships between students, autistic peers
Jack Aker’s face lights up at the thought of his friend David, an autistic student he met last year as part of Seton Hall Preparatory School’s Spectrum Big Brothers program.
“He was just the happiest person to be around, he was always smiling,” said Aker, a senior at the West Orange all-boys high school and one of Spectrum Big Brothers’ two student leaders. “He’d always bring his speaker and play his song of the day. We’d all listen to it and maybe sing a little bit of it with him. It was just a good time.”
Aker was better able to understand how being autistic impacts David after getting to know him through the program. He specifically learned David faced different challenges than he does, but the two could still have fun together. To Aker, David was simply a person he enjoyed spending time with each week—not someone to be put on a pedestal or viewed as “special.”
And that is exactly the lesson Seton Hall Prep (SHP) hopes its students take away from the initiative.
Forming fun and genuine relationships
Launched in 2007, Spectrum Big Brothers was created as a rare opportunity for Seton Hall Prep’s students to form genuine relationships with teens and young adults with autism.
Every Tuesday in the fall and spring, a group of SHP students travel to the Academy360 Upper School in Livingston, a private school for students with autism and related conditions. There, they engage in activities with students on the autism spectrum, spending an hour playing games in the gym and another hour baking in the kitchen.
It’s a fun afternoon for all—and a chance to live out the Catholic faith. Vincent McMahon, SHP’s director of social justice and service programs, said Spectrum Big Brothers reflects the Church’s mission as described by Pope Francis in his encyclical Fratelli Tutti, which called for a “culture of encounter” that dares to “dream of a humanity that opts for social friendship and universal fraternity.” By participating in the program, McMahon said, the young men have the opportunity to promote such a culture with the Academy360 students.
When they do that, he said, they learn what it means to be a true follower of Christ.
“You can read about what Jesus said in theology class, but you won’t truly understand it until you go out and help someone,” said McMahon, who also oversees student volunteer programs benefiting people who are hungry, developmentally disabled, military veterans and others. “Being Catholic means being empathetic. The way you learn empathy is to experience opportunities like Spectrum Big Brothers, where you realize the value of caring for others.”
Growing closer to God and growing in joy
Aker agreed that Spectrum Big Brothers has been an important part of his worship, pointing out that he understands the Gospel’s teachings better now that he has put his faith into action. In fact, he said he has never felt closer to God than in the past four years he has participated in the program.
Spectrum Big Brother’s impact on Aker also extends beyond his spiritual life.
“It’s one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done,” Aker said. “I’ve learned a lot about patience and communication. But the most important part to me is that I’ve gotten to know [the Academy360 students] and learn what they like to do. I’ve made real friends, real connections.”
He is not the only one who has been deeply affected. Lucas Rafeh, a Seton Hall Prep junior and Spectrum Big Brothers’ other student leader, said bonding with autistic peers has also been a profoundly meaningful experience. Rafeh said he loves sharing recurring jokes with them and learning about their interests. Connecting with the autistic students has also benefited his own communication skills, inspiring him to become more positive and outgoing.
“It brings me a lot of joy to be part of Spectrum,” said Rafeh, who is in his third year with the initiative. “It makes me happier. I love having a relationship with the students there.”
Going beyond stereotypes
The Academy360 students get a lot out of Spectrum Big Brothers, too. McMahon said the program’s activities allow them to enhance their motor skills and improve their ability to follow instructions. Most importantly, they can build social skills by establishing friendships with their neurotypical peers—relationships that are highly beneficial for all involved.
A 2022 article published in the Review Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders concluded that everyone wins when people with and without autism interact. Nonautistic people gain understanding about autistic lived experiences, and autistic people feel less isolated.
Meanwhile, the stereotype that people with autism are not social is untrue. A 2019 study in the journal Autism & Developmental Language Impairments discovered that about 60% of autistic individuals wish they had more friendships—they just have trouble forming them. A 2019 article in the journal Autism in Adulthood found that persons with autism had the most success in relationships with people who appreciated them without judging their differences, with organized social groups being an ideal way of initiating such friendships.
Spectrum Big Brothers is one organized social group with significant value, according to Dr. Anne Masters, director of the archdiocesan Office for Ministry with Persons with Disabilities. Masters said the program is a “great lived example of Catholic social teaching,” which she describes as a living tradition that evolves as more is learned about what people can do when supported appropriately. To that end, she said Catholics must combat outdated stereotypes, so no one is treated with indignity.
“Pope Francis said we shouldn’t simply care for persons with disabilities, but we must ‘ensure their active participation’ in the Church and society at large,” Masters said, referring to Fratelli Tutti. “Very importantly, we are to do this not only because of respect for each person’s innate dignity, but also to change others’ perceptions about what persons with disabilities are capable of. This is happening through the Spectrum Big Brothers program.”
Robert Barling, a faculty adviser for Spectrum Big Brothers, said he has seen firsthand how the program has positively influenced students from both Seton Hall Prep and Academy360. Barling said his students get out of their comfort zones to learn about autism, which many knew little about beforehand. At the same time, he said the students with autism form genuine friendships with their non-autistic peers.
“I recently overheard one of our students and one of the Academy360 students talking about what they like to shop for at the mall, like a conversation you’d hear at any high school,” Barling said. “That’s beautiful because a lot of autistic people feel they have to mask their condition in public to fit in. With us, they can form authentic connections just by being themselves.”
Actions louder than words
According to Barling, Spectrum Big Brothers is one of Seton Hall Prep’s most popular service initiatives. This past year, more than 50 students expressed interest in joining, though that number was culled to about 20 through an application and interview process. Those numbers are comparable to previous years’, and Barling expects them to stay consistent next year.
Aker will not be returning next year, as he is graduating this spring. Still, he hopes to continue making connections with autistic people when he enters Providence College in the fall. If the college does not have an initiative similar to Spectrum Big Brothers, he plans to start one of his own.
Rafeh, meanwhile, will continue leading the program through his senior year at Seton Hall Prep, where he has become one of the initiative’s top recruiters. He even drives younger students without licenses to Academy360 just so they will have the chance to experience it.
Why does Rafeh recommend Spectrum Big Brothers? For him, it all comes down to the expression “Actions speak louder than words.”
“This is a chance to form fulfilling relationships that have a real impact on people’s lives,” Rafeh said. “I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t think we were making a difference.”
To learn more about Seton Hall Prep’s service opportunities, visit www.shp.org/ministry/service. For information on how the Archdiocese of Newark serves people with autism, visit the Office for Pastoral Ministry with Persons with Disabilities’ webpage at www.rcan.org/disabilities/.
CLICK HERE to view more photos from the Spectrum Big Brother program.
Featured image: Students from Seton Hall Preparatory School meet with students from Academy360 Upper School in Livingston as part of the SHP’s Spectrum Big Brothers program. (Photos courtesy Seton Hall Preparatory School)
