Special Mass brings healing to those who have lost children
More than 100 deceased children were remembered by name on May 1 at a Child Loss Mass held at Saint Thomas the Apostle Parish in Bloomfield, New Jersey. The Archdiocesan Ministry for Loss and Healing and the Office for Family Life Ministry organized the Mass with members of the parish’s H.O.P.E. (Helping Other Parents Endure) mental health ministry.
“The passing away of a child leaves families in pain navigating grief’s life-long journey,” Hedi, one of the organizers, wrote. “A myriad of unspeakable emotions assail broken hearts every minute of every day, bringing each mother, father, and each family individual to their knees. Along the way, we gather courage and strength to continue the journey. Our respite lies in the healing that Holy Mass brings.”
Members of the parish and people throughout the Archdiocese of Newark who had experienced the loss of a child, from prenatal stages through adulthood, were invited to submit the names of their children, which were read during the Mass as bells tolled. Babies who were lost before they could be given names were also remembered.
The names of the deceased were also displayed on a table in the church, with prayer candles and a small statue of Michelangelo’s Pietà, depicting the Virgin Mary holding the body of her son Jesus after he was taken down from the cross. Music during the service created a consoling atmosphere.
The Mass was celebrated by Father Lawrence Fama, Pastor of Saint Thomas the Apostle Parish; Father Tim Graff, Archdiocesan Secretary for Parish Mission and Vitality; and Father Joseph Kwiatkowski, Parochial Vicar of Saint Rose of Lima Catholic Church in Short Hills and chaplain of the H.O.P.E. ministry.
Deacon Tom Pluta, a permanent deacon serving at Holy Trinity Parish in Westfield, delivered the homily. He spoke from his own experience as a parent who had lost a child.
Many parents and family members who had submitted the names of their deceased children also attended the Mass. For them, the Child Loss Mass brought comfort and a sense of support.
Comfort and “respite on grief’s life-long journey”
Karen, who lost her son 25 years ago, said that “even after all these years, the grief can be overwhelming.”
She expressed her gratitude for the Mass and her appreciation for the support she had received from the parish priests. Deacon Pluta’s homily “touched on many things we feel and was very inspirational,” she said. “His words were healing while still acknowledging our grief.”
Hedi was also moved by the homily that “soothed my angry heart. Through Deacon Pluta’s encouraging words, I was reminded of God’s gift of grace helping me put the pieces back together, albeit in a unique manner.”
She added that the performance of a young flute player during the Mass “relieved burdensome grief that I hold inside and, through tears, urged the pain to spill out. For me, she embodied the innocence we had enjoyed in our son.”
“The Mass was not only beautiful, but comforting,” said another participant, Linda. “The tolling of bells while the names were read was quite solemn and such a tribute to our children. Deacon Tom’s personal witness was both comforting and inspiring. The music was beautiful.”
This year’s Child Loss Mass was the first since 2020, when the annual tradition was interrupted due to the pandemic. Though many present were part of the parish H.O.P.E. group and had found direction and support there, they had also deeply missed the special Mass and were grateful it had resumed. “As a parent, the one thing you never want to happen is for people to forget your child,” Karen said.
“I am grateful that the Archdiocese and Saint Thomas Parish recognized our need for respite on grief’s lifelong journey,” Hedi said. “There were so many people at Mass praying for us and with us that I no longer feel alone.”
Featured image: The names of deceased children are displayed for prayerful reflection during the Child Loss Mass at St. Thomas the Apostle Parish in Bloomfield, NJ, on May 1, 2025. (Photos by Joanne DePasquale-Parent, Office for Family Life Ministry, Archdiocese of Newark)
