Rachel’s Vineyard Ministries offers path to reconciliation following abortion
It took Patty almost 20 years to come to terms with an abortion she had in 1999.
“I lost my faith through the sin of abortion, Patty said. “It makes you feel estranged from the Church.”
But after attending a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat for mothers and fathers who struggle with their abortion decision, Patty found the peace and forgiveness she was yearning for, she said. She also found her way back to Christ and the Church.
“You are always harder on yourself and don’t ever see a path to forgiveness,” Patty said. “But at the retreat, you are treated like you are worthy. At the retreat, I received the mercy of forgiveness.”
Rachel’s Vineyard Ministries was started in 1994 by Dr. Theresa Burke, who noticed that the women who attended her weekly support groups for post-abortive women needed an entire weekend to “do the work” of grieving their abortion. According to the organization’s website, the name “Rachel’s Vineyard” can be traced to Biblical text. “Rachel” refers to an Old Testament figure in the book of Jeremiah: “Rachel mourns her children; she refuses to be consoled because her children are no more.” The word “vineyard” refers to Chapter 15 of the Gospel of John, where Jesus says, “In the same way, you cannot bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever remains in me, and I in him will bear much fruit, for you can do nothing without me.”
Soon after the weekend retreats were launched, the Archdiocese of Newark stepped on board, adopting Rachel’s Vineyard as its outreach to those suffering from an abortion decision.
On Saturday, Oct. 29, the Office of Respect Life celebrated its 25th anniversary with a Rachel’s Vineyard Ministry. Archdiocesan priests who have helped at the retreats, Ministry of Life employees, Rachel’s Vineyard counselors, and alums gathered at the Pastoral Center in Newark.
“Lifting people wounded by abortion and inviting them back into the light of Our Lord Jesus Christ has been a grace in the lives of many,” said Cardinal Joseph W. Tobin, C.Ss.R., Archbishop of Newark, in a message congratulating the ministry on its 25th anniversary. “In times of personal distress, trauma, or the loss of life, we often look to God. He is ever so present in the midst of our suffering, and His loving grace is abundant.”
At Rachel’s Vineyard, “Peace is found. Lives are restored. A sense of hope and meaning for the future is rediscovered,” Cardinal Tobin said.
Because every abortion experience is different, the retreat offers an opportunity for participants to examine their individual abortion experience, identify how the loss has impacted them, and help acknowledge any unresolved feelings they are struggling with, according to the Rachel’s Vineyard’s website.
Most profound to the many alums is receiving reconciliation after talking with priests about their abortion decision.
Theresa Burke said that when people hear a message of forgiveness and healing rather than the idea that God wants to punish them for committing an “unforgivable sin,” they leave behind the despair and feel grace and hope for the first time.
That was certainly the experience for Cheryl A. Riley, the director of the Archdiocese of Newark’s Respect Life Office, which coordinates Rachel’s Vineyard retreats for the Archdiocese. Riley attended the weekend retreat after seeing an ad for Rachel’s Vineyard in her church bulletin at Queen of Peace Church in North Arlington 12 years after her abortion.
Riley said that after her abortion at 19, she became angry and depressed. She was mad at her boyfriend, who she felt pressured her to have an abortion; the doctors and nurses, whom she felt did not give her the emotional care needed following the trauma; and her elders for failing to educate her. But she was mostly angry at herself. She said she turned to alcohol and drugs to cope and, at one point, was suicidal.
She attended the retreat and said she was able to accomplish three things she could not do before: ask and receive the forgiveness of God and her child, forgive those who were involved in her abortion experience, and – most of all – forgive herself
The women and men who participate in the retreats are encouraged to envision their children, name them, and grieve the loss with a memorial service and a Mass of entrustment.
Donna, who attended a retreat following an abortion, said the experience brought her back to the Church and Jesus. She said that until the retreat, she had never acknowledged what she had been through with her abortion decision.
Mary Kominsky, another Rachel’s Vineyard alumna, says mothers who have experienced abortion all too often say they are “fine.” Kominsky said she, too, thought she had dealt with the trauma and had moved on until Rachel’s Vineyard taught her how to truly grieve.
Alumni Karen Searson said that the Catholic Church was the last place she would have looked for help after her abortion, but she said God called her to the retreat.
“It wasn’t until I wanted to return to my faith …and there was this brick wall. How do I get past this?” Searson said about her abortion.
“Because of the emotional numbness and secrecy that often surrounds an abortion experience, conflicting emotions both during and after the event may remain unresolved. These buried feelings can surface later and may be symptoms of post-abortion trauma,” Theresa Burke said.
But the “mercy of God is undeniable,” Kominsky said.
Theresa’s husband and Rachel’s Vineyard co-founder Ken Burke said that too many times, people look at abortion as a contentious and political issue.
“I don’t see it that way anymore,” Ken Burke said. “It’s an issue of damaged relationships. In the beginning, you have the mother’s relationship with her developing child, and the way that she is intimately hurt by participating in the child’s death is that the relationship is broken.”
The same goes with the father, Ken Burke said.
“It’s a very deep wound to their fatherhood,” he said.
Kominsky and Searson said keeping both men and women together during the weekend helped them to see the perspective of others and aided in the healing process.
Kominsky says she believes there’s a “spiritual umbilical cord” between the child to the woman and that the child is praying for the mother and father to seek healing.
“Our children in Heaven are calling us to heal,” Kominsky said.
Patty said she now has a relationship with her child. She also now believes in the “spiritual umbilical cord” and that she will “hold her in the next world.”
Father John J. Chadwick, S.T.D., the Archdiocese’s Vicar General, has ministered at many retreats.
“A day doesn’t go by when I don’t remember the people I met on those retreats,” he said. “You just see Christ bringing his life to bear in all of them. And that is what a priestly life is all about.”
Each retreat is led by a team of trained volunteers who have all participated in a retreat, including lay ministers, an archdiocesan priest, and deacons.
The retreat also welcomes grandparents and siblings of aborted children to heal. The retreats are offered in English and Spanish. Those offered in Spanish are only one day.
“I am grateful to everyone involved with this ministry and look forward to working together in the continued mission of reconciliation,” Cardinal Tobin said.
Rachel’s Vineyard Ministries’ silver anniversary comes on the heel of the Dobbs v. Jackson’s Women’s Health Organization Supreme Court decision this summer. The June 24decision overturned Roe v. Wade, removing the federal protection it provided since 1973 permitting abortion in all states. Following the June decision, many states have passed abortion bans.
The Society of Family Planning’s #WeCount reporting effort compared data from April to August 2022 and discovered that the estimated number of abortions decreased by 6%, from 85,020 abortions in April to 79,620 in August, according to a report from the society.
For more information on Rachel’s Vineyard, visit www.rachelsvineyard.org. To learn more about the archdiocesan Respect Life Office, visit www.rcan.org/offices-and-ministries/respect-life.
The Archdiocese celebrates 25 years of Rachel’s Vineyard
