Lay ministry offers Spanish-speaking couples a better marriage through love, surrender, and sacrifice
For Spanish-speaking Catholic couples seeking to better their marriages, personal accompaniment — a journey of presence and attentiveness with another on their pathway to discovering God and the sacrament of marriage — is key to growing together beyond the wedding day.
In an introduction to “Catechumenal Pathways,” Pope Francis frames “accompaniment” as an important action of the Catholic Church as a whole, writing that “we have a primary duty to responsibly accompany those who manifest their intention to be united in marriage so that they may be preserved from the trauma of separation and never lose faith in love.”
St. Peter’s Parish in Belleville offers Spanish-speaking Catholics throughout the Archdiocese that accompaniment with retreats through the John XXIII Movement. The movement was born in Puerto Rico, in the Diocese of Arecibo, created under the pontificate of Pope John XXIII, to be “an evangelization movement and to work mainly for those far from the Church and also marginalized from society.” The marriage retreat offering — Convivencia Matrimonial Juan XXIII — was first held in 1973 on the Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel, the ministry’s patron. Rooted in Eucharistic Adoration, the laity ministry serves the Church and its people through love, surrender, and sacrifice. The movement is now in over 30 dioceses throughout the United States.
Husbands and wives initially attend a weekend retreat separately to deepen their personal relationship with God. Then as a couple, they attend another retreat together to deepen their meaning of the Sacrament of Marriage.
As an apostolic activity, the couples are then encouraged to attend monthly meetings to continue strengthening their faith and personal relationship with God and each other.
The retreats help men and women “discover and transform, to the degree of their vocation to the service of God, their spiritual dimension as individuals and as a couple,” according to the Archdiocese of Newark website.
“The John XXIII Movement Marriage Coexistence promotes the urgency of overcoming the problems of cohabitation of couples for ourselves, for our children, for our families, for our society, for God, and with God,” the website states.
Ruth Herrera, who runs the retreats with her husband Ceasar, said: “You work on your individual relationship with God, then come together as a couple to bring the love of the Lord into your marriage.” About 54 couples from the Archdiocese of Newark attend the retreats each year, said Herrera.
Marital happiness does not depend only on the strength of feelings, but also on how the couple faces challenges to love present in today’s world. There are threats coming from the “hedonism” promoted by the media and the Internet, cultural and environmental changes for couples who have immigrated to the U.S., and the sometimes-forced separation of couples and families due to migration and immigration laws, according to the website.
Yamilka Genao, Associate Director of Hispanic Family Life Ministries of the Archdiocese of Newark, said the retreats offer a positive, personal experience for married couples with an emphasis to learn a loving communication technique that they can use for the rest of their lives.
“It is an opportunity to look deeply at your relationship accompanied by God,” Genao said. “It is a time to share your feelings, hopes, and dreams with each other and for couples to spend time together, away from the distractions and stresses of everyday life. The couples witness a restoration, peace, and joy in their marriage.”
Ana and Jaime Bustos, parishioners at Divine Mercy Parish in Rahway, had been married 29 years when they began to struggle in their relationship. Friends from John XXIII Movement suggested they attend the retreats in 2019. At first, Ana was hesitant as she felt they were already active in the Church and had strong, firm faith. But she also realized her marriage was struggling and she needed healing.
When Ana attended the retreat alone and spent time with the Blessed Sacrament, she said that God showed her she hadn’t really “forgiven” and had just put the hurt aside.
“It was a deep conversion of my heart,” she said.
Jaime said that it was important that they fix their relationship with God first before attempting to work on their marriage.
Ana and Jaime met and married in Ecuador. Jaime moved to the U.S. first; Ana followed with their first son sometime later.
Ana said young couples go into a marriage thinking they found their “true love” and that the magic will last.
“At the time it’s about the big wedding, the dress. Even if you get married in the Church, it’s not about God and that we are entering into a Sacrament,” she said.
And when moving to U.S. many people have the wrong expectations, Jaime said.
“We are told the way to be happy is to have things. We are trying to build the American dream, but then we have to work two jobs. The American dream is built on false things,” Jaime said. “Instead, we need to concentrate on our commitment to the vocation of marriage. It’s a sacrament meant to last a lifetime.”
Ana said they had to heal “many things from their family history” among other issues such as jealousy and anger that had permeated their marriage.
Ana says that through the couple’s retreat, she discovered that marriage isn’t just about “living together” and that it’s ok not to be happy all the time. But most importantly Ana and Jaime learned to communicate and that “without God and Jesus we can’t do anything.”
Although the couples and leaders talk about topics such as sexuality, children, and the Sacrament of Marriage, Herrera said the couples’ retreat is focused on the dialogue in their marriage.
“Communication is a big part of the weekend. It’s not just the issues that are affecting the marriage, it’s how the couple communicates about those issues that is the problem,” Herrera said.
This year’s theme of National Marriage Week was “Marriage…one flesh, given and received.” It highlights the one-flesh union of husband and wife that is willed by God. It also indicates the personal self-gift of each spouse, one to the other. These concepts point to Christ who gives Himself under the appearance of bread and wine—as real flesh and blood.
Director of Family Life Ministry Brian Caldwell said the week offers an opportunity to focus on building a culture of life and love that begins with supporting and promoting marriage and the family.
The movement held a dinner dance in Belleville on Feb. 18 for bout 120 couples most of whom had experienced Convivencia Matrimonial Juan XXIII. The evening celebrated their culture, their family, their relationship with God, and the Sacrament of Marriage.
The Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate reports that overall church weddings are down.
Caldwell says those numbers mirror church attendance and participation in general.
“We are living in a more secularized society than in previous generations and that certainly has an impact on people approaching their church to receive the sacraments,” Caldwell said.
Data, however, revealed that more Catholics compared to the general population are getting married, at least civilly. In a 2015 survey on marriage and the family by Pew Research, 51% of Catholics reported they were married, compared to 47% of the general population.
And according to Caldwell, the Archdiocese of Newark has not seen a decline in the number of marriages within the church since 2020 even through the pandemic.
The other good news is that Catholics are somewhat less likely to divorce. Pew found that 25% of Catholics have been divorced, as compared to 31% of the general population.
Jaime is now a candidate for permanent diaconate after he said God called him. “In the love of God, our love became service to the Church.”
For more information about Movimiento Juan XXIII, please visit www.juanxxiii.org. There is a tab “Convivencia Matrimonial” where they can find meeting dates and phone numbers of group committee. They also have a Facebook page “Convivencia Matrimonial – Newark.”
