Clerical abuse survivor shares his journey from trauma to hope
During a May 21 presentation at Saint Teresa of Avila Church in Summit, New Jersey, speaker Mark Joseph Williams shared his experience participating in a unique Stations of the Cross that took place over Zoom for victims of clerical abuse.
“It’s such a moving experience,” he said. “You don’t see people’s faces during the Zoom call, you just hear their voices, with marvelous images of desert scenery and such shown onscreen, accompanying the different Stations.”
During the Stations, Williams offered a reflection on the moment when Jesus is nailed to the cross that he addressed to those, like him, “who have been abused in our Church.”
“Jesus was abused as well – profoundly and horribly,” Williams told his fellow survivors. “In His being nailed to the cross, we can find that our cross is His cross. I can face the cross because of him. I must hold onto the hope that the cross offers now and always.”
Williams was at Saint Teresa’s to share his faith journey and talk about his new book, Torrent of Grace. It tells the heartbreaking story of his experience of childhood abuse by a teacher and a Catholic priest. As Williams explained, “life just went on” after his ordeal, but a sense of shame stayed with him into adulthood and “took many faces: addiction, depression, suicidal thoughts, bankruptcy, job loss, and home loss.”
Williams spoke movingly about the years of depression and alcoholism that he – and consequently, his family– endured. For years, the abuse he suffered “was just too scary to look at.” Drinking was an escape that “numbed the pain but kept me from dealing with what mattered.”
It was only after hitting rock bottom that Williams was able to accept that he needed healing and “that God loved me and was waiting for me.”
As he explained, through his Catholic faith and key friendships with “many holy men and women,” he eventually did find healing and hope. During an especially challenging moment, he visited the Church of the Little Flower in Berkeley Heights, New Jersey, and discovered a spiritual home. He soon struck up a friendship with Father Andy Prachar, who was then the pastor. Williams was also able to speak with Cardinal Joseph W. Tobin, C.Ss.R., Archbishop of Newark, who then accompanied him on his journey of recovery.
An opportunity to accompany one another
In the ensuing years, Williams came to realize that he and other abuse survivors were needed in the Church and had something to offer their fellow Catholics. He noted the example of Pope Francis, who on Holy Thursdays would go to visit the suffering and imprisoned and wash their feet in imitation of Christ.
“We all have wounds,” Williams said. He believes that he and other survivors can turn their wounds “into sacred gifts” in service to others who suffer. “As a clerical abuse survivor, I believe that victims and survivors can wash the feet of fellow pilgrims of faith.”
Although the Catholic Church has made progress in protecting children, Williams believes that there is a danger of complacency. He said that it is important to remain vigilant and hold those in authority accountable. Still, he is convinced that this is an important moment in the life of “a more synodal Church” where “we have the opportunity to walk together and really love and encourage one another.”
Williams was introduced by Fr. Prachar, who now serves as pastor of Saint Bartholomew Church in Scotch Plains. After the main presentation, Father Prachar reflected on the friendship that he had struck up with Mark Joseph Williams. “Each of us is gifted by God with intelligence, with affect, and with the spirit of God, so we each have dignity,” Father Prachar said. “It is with that foundational principle that I approach anyone I encounter or who encounters me.”
Father Prachar also emphasized the importance of listening to others without pretending that we can “fix” their problems. “We call it synodality now,” he said. “I also like to call it listening. I think synodality means that we don’t just listen with our ears, but we also listen with our hearts.”
By listening and accompanying others, “walking with them in a continuous journey,” we encounter Christ in each other and grow in faith and love, he said.
Featured image: Mark Joseph Williams, author of Torrent of Grace, spoke to an audience at St. Teresa of Avila Church on May 21. (Photo by John Touhey / Archdiocese of Newark)
